I attended university between 2010 and 2013, so naturally, I spent a ridiculous amount of time watching MTV’s popular reality show, Jersey Shore.
The original series starred Angelina “Staten Island Dump” Pivarnick, Jennifer “JWoww” Farley, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Paul “Paulie D” DelVecchio, Ronald “Ronnie” Ortiz-Magro, Samantha “Sweetheart” Giancola, Vincenzo “Vinnie” Guadagnino and Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino.
(It was at this point in my life where I genuinely believed you needed a nickname and a catchphrase in order to succeed.)
Sorrentino, simply known as Mike or “Situation” (after his insightful catchphrase “We got a situation”), became somewhat of a hero of mine. His ability to swoon women whilst being a certified d-bag fascinated me, and I always rallied behind him when the others in the house banded against him.
If you’re unaware of the sort of man Sorrentino is, here are just a few of his best quotes:
“Angelina is the Staten Island Ferry: everybody gets a ride, and it’s free.”
“The whole Sammi-Ronnie situation? Not a good situation.”
“Deena and Snooks have just shown again why they defy the laws of intelligence.”
“I’m hooking up with my girl. Pauly is hooking up with his girl. And we’re going to have sex. That’s the situation.”
However, instead of Snooki and Deena being number one and two on his hitlist, Sorrentino is now in hot water with the police. So, what’s the situation? Well, it has been revealed that Sorrentino and his brother Marc are expected to plead guilty to tax evasion, withholding a considerable sum of money from the IRS. As many of us are aware, this is an incredibly serious conviction, and one that could see them serving long-term incarceration.
In fact, if worst comes to worst, “The Situation” could face 15 years in prison, and his brother is looking at an even longer stretch of 25 years! According to reports, the ever-insightful “Situation” and his brother allegedly earned a whopping $8.9 million between 2010 and 2012 and failed to declare the true sum and nature of their earnings. Now, you have to believe that a sum of money like that wasn’t just some dimwitted oversight on a processing form…
Government officials have now charged the Sorrentinos with concocting a complex scheme in order to deceive the tax man. They reportedly “fluffed” supposed business expenses and pocketed the extra money in order to purchase hot cars and fine clothes.
The duo also had a network of bank accounts which they used to shuffle money in an effort to keep it concealed from the IRS. Using these bank accounts, they would also allegedly shift cash deposits of less than $10,000 around. Only cash deposits of more than $10,000 must be reported to the federal government – allowing them to go undetected for so long. And all this from a guy who once asked: “Who does AAA call when AAA gets stuck?” (It should have been evident that he wouldn’t be able to keep it going to long.)
The brothers are due to appear in court on Friday in order to enter their pleas. This comes after MTV recently announced a Jersey Shore reunion show, dubbed the “Family Vacation”. The show was set to star seven of the eight original cast members scheduled to return – with only Samantha “Sammi Sweetheart” Giancola opting out of the reunion.
Said “vacation” will take the cast out of the Garden State and to the sunny beaches of Miami – to the same location as where season two of the original show was set. There’s still no word yet on when the series will premiere – or if Sorrentino will now be a part of it.
It will certainly be a change of scenery to go from working out on the beaches of the Jersey Shore to a prison break yard, but a part of me is still hoping the cops have misread “the situation”.